I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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