Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
