3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize