just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
