My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
