Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
