god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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