Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
