I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I looked at my own cervix.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
