At least make sure they are 18
Why
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
