i would punch a child for taco bell
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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