Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
