you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
