I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
