So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize