So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
