dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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