she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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