I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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