The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we're making bets on your personal life
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
