I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
