where does the pee come out of this thing
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
