Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
