I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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