Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
