Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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