i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
