Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
