Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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