i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
