I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We are all done wearing pants today
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
