Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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