I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
