Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize