He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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