Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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