She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
