she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
