He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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