I heard we made out
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
