i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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