Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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