Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
