NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
