I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
