He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You ate ashes out of my bong
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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