boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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