I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
