I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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