you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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