I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
