She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
