Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize