she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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