Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
