its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
