Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
