yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
