Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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