i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
