you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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