East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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