dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
