ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
