remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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