Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
