you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
