i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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