No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize