did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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