Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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